I Am Worth It

My name is Hanna Brown and I was fortunate enough to find Bridle Up Hope before I turned twenty-two so I could do the girl's program which, as you know, is fourteen weeks long. 

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During my fourteen weeks here, I was able to learn the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, learn and appreciate doing service, learn just about everything there is to know about horses and get to know the other wonderful participants.

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I lived with a family who owned nine horses when I was fifteen through seventeen. That ultimately grew my love for horses. I’d wake up early and go feed them which was always a sacred time for me. They have always been such magical creatures to me.

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I have been going to therapy for over a year and I wanted to challenge myself to find a new hobby. After processing a lot of trauma, I wanted to choose myself. That’s when I stumbled upon Bridle Up Hope. I had done research before regarding horse lessons but Bridle Up Hope never came up until a few months ago when I was in a dark space. It came up in my search results, right when I needed it. After reading the Covey’s story and knowing the message that Bridle Up Hope stands for, I knew it was meant to be. It was meant for me, right at the perfect time. 

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For as long as I can remember, since being a little girl, I have struggled with abandonment issues, self-esteem, anxiety, and depression. I have had a difficult time setting boundaries and feeling like a doormat. Coming here has taught me to be resilient, how to use my voice, how to build my confidence, grow my self-esteem, and teach me that I am worth it. During my lessons, sometimes I would feel self-conscious or felt like I wasn’t doing good enough but the beauty of it was that the horses never left my side. The horses are so loyal to you and want to make you proud. They teach you that it’s okay and it’s okay to not be okay sometimes. But that's what matters, that you get up and try again.

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During one of my lessons, I was working with Bentley and if you have worked with Bentley before, he is not the easiest horse. He needs a little extra push to get him going. That was the one lesson that I struggled with because he would not go no matter how hard I tried. I would be there for five minutes, telling him to walk on, squeezing, kicking, and he would finally go, but only for 5 seconds and then stop. Then I would do the whole thing all over again. But I didn’t want to give up. My instructor Summer, who is amazing probably noticed that I was getting a bit defeated and she asked me a question. She asked me, “Is or was there anyone in your life that has lost your trust but you keep trying and trying again for their trust?” It’s similar to a horse, right? You want to gain their trust so you trust them and they trust you and once you have that trust, you have the confidence. Essentially it’s what you want in every relationship in your life. For some reason when she asked me that question, I broke down crying and couldn’t get any words out. Bentley stood there, peacefully and calmly. He let me have my moment. Because for whatever reason, he knew I needed that. Even though Bentley didn’t feel like he was the horse I connected with the most, and the horse that I trusted, he was the horse that was able to break down my walls and let me be completely vulnerable.

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It’s an interesting concept because you would think that the horse you felt the most connected to would be the horse that changed your whole journey here. But for me, the horse that I felt like I didn’t connect with at all, made the biggest difference in my journey. It truly means the world to me. This strong-willed horse will never know the impact he made on my life. 

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Horses are so intuitive that they feel everything that you are feeling. They feel if you are anxious, stressed, scared, or overthinking. They essentially mirror you. Most horses just want to make you happy and feel like they accomplished whatever you wanted them to do. With all of that being said, Bridle Up Hope has taught me so much and has saved me in a way that is hard to describe. Learning about horses, Bridle Up Hope, and myself, is something I will take with me for the rest of my life. 

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I would like to first thank Bridle Up Hope for this opportunity. The people who created and brought Bridle Up Hope to life are heroes. I’m sure they have saved more lives than they can imagine. Not just here in Alpine, UT but across the world. I would also like to thank my instructor Summer who was my biggest cheerleader and never made me feel lesser than. Summer encouraged me each week to do better, to create goals, and to push me to levels that I never even imagined.

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Even though I know there is so much more work to do, my story is not over and I’m excited for my next journey in life. There is a light at the end of the dark tunnel. 

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Thank you.

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